Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
