there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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