shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
