i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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