Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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