we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
