Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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