You don't have asthma, your pregnant
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
