census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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