brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
