i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
