I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
