bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
BRING THE BAGELS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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