why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
where are my eyebrows?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
