wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
