If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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