so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
