the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
