im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
