He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
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