I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
