This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
