Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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