when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize