So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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