I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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