he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
