I wish my penis had an off switch
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
