he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
