i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
