There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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