I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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