i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
