I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
