I am in a vortex of obligation.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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