someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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