You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
