i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
