I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize