So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
sarcasm needs its own font
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize