i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
