Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
