So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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