why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
the gays at disneyland are vicious
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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