It's Friday. Sex?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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