I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
