i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
