those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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