i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
