My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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