Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
