i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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