She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
