I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
