Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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