im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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