At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
