did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
