I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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