he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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