You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
