On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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