forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
