she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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