from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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