apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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