Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
third nipple confirmed
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
