he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
