It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
