i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
