$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
