after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I lost the right to judge tonight
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
