ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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