as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
