i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
